Office of the Uranus Sovereign Authority

Drilling Rights to Uranus

Full depth. No questions asked. You name the driller, you name the drilled. We frame it, ship it, and never speak of it again.

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$49.99 framed, $19.99 print, free U.S. shipping
Personalize it before you buy
Framed 8x10, ready to hang

Registry of Celestial Mining · Uranus Division

FREE U.S. SHIPPING

PERSONALIZED DRILLING RIGHTS

QUALITY PRODUCTS FOR QUESTIONABLE PEOPLE

PRINTED ON DEMAND

Certificate of Drilling Rights to Uranus, framed

THE FLAGSHIP

Certificate of Drilling Rights to Uranus

A framed 8x10 document that looks completely legitimate until the recipient reads the second line. Personalized as you order with the Authorized Rights Holder and the Subject of Authorized Operations. You see the finished certificate before you pay. Heavyweight matte paper, real frame, shatterproof plexiglass, hanging hardware included.

$49. Four frame finishes. Free U.S. shipping. Perfect for couples, roommates, birthdays, anniversaries, and anyone who appreciates official nonsense delivered with a straight face.

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How the Certificate Works

Personalize it

Pick a frame. Enter the Authorized Rights Holder and the Subject of Authorized Operations. The certificate fills in as you type.

Order it

Read it over. Add it to your cart. Check out. No custom messages. The wording stays official.

Hang it

Printed on heavyweight matte paper, framed under plexiglass, shipped ready to gift. Straight face optional.

Registry Guidance

Occasions that require paperwork

Any OccasionBirthdays, retirements, white elephant. Finally, a gift they will not regift.Get Certified →AnniversariesNothing says commitment like perpetual mineral rights.Get Certified →Fantasy FootballLast place gets certified. League rules are league rules.Get Certified →Secret SantaUnder the limit. Over the line. Guaranteed to be stolen at least twice.Get Certified →Bachelor PartyThe groomsmen file on her behalf. He signs nothing.Get Certified →BacheloretteShe gets the rights. He gets the frame.Get Certified →

Departments

Drilling Rights

Registry of Celestial MiningDrilling Rights

Shirts

Bureau of ApparelShirts

Mugs

Ceramics DivisionMugs

Official Gear

Office of Official GearOfficial Gear

Public Comment Period

Comments received by the Uranus Sovereign Authority. Docket remains open.

“The certificate arrived. My husband has framed it above the bed. I have questions about the phrase ‘unrestricted penetration.’”

Comment 0417 · Filed anonymously · Bureau of Depth

“Wore the crest shirt to a school board meeting. Was asked which agency I represent. Declined to answer.”

Comment 0422 · Office of Orbital Affairs

“Mug reads correctly from either hand. This is the only thing in my office that works as described.”

Comment 0431 · Interdepartmental Complaints

Do you have what it takes to penetrate new frontiers?

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